| New Beginnings? |
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| Written by PJ Panigi |
| Sunday, 27 June 2010 02:53 |
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It's about 3:24am and once again I find myself not getting any sleep. It seems I am one of those people that has a mind that is always racing. I wish there was a power switch so I could shut it off when I need some rest, but sadly there is not. I have some of my best thoughts while I am asleep, yet when I'm awake at night...it's only the worst thoughts that come out to play. Again, I find myself worrying about finances, debt, and my ability to pull through some of the struggles that have come into my life this past year. Many of you readers have no idea what I have endured this past year, and many of you will never know. It isn't really a huge deal, but enough to make me realize that when people say "anything can happen" they certainly do mean ANYTHING. I have fought through what I thought was the worst part, but the past never really dies. It still finds a way to come back and haunt you in your present day life. After countless efforts, I have finally landed a decent job. The pay is good and the hours will improve as long as I keep going steady on the path I am on. And it is with that where I seem to have some troubles. It's fairly easy to GET on the right path, and it's a whole other thing to STAY on that path. I am giving it somewhat of a decent effort even though it hasn't done me well in the past. I suppose it is character building to go through most of lifes obstacles, but I mostly wish this specific one would have never happened. It has caused me to see the world through completely different eyes, red eyes. I now see people as threats and untrustworthy instead of opportunities to make new friends. I see the world as corrupt and damaged beyond repair, instead of full of opportunities as I once did. I can only hope that my vision will return to the way it once was, but as almost a year has passed and it has changed in the slightest. People I once loved and trusted have come together to pull me down with them in their evil schemes and to some extent succeeded. I may not have taken part in these schemes, but may as well have as I was, in the beginning, held completely responsible for them. I did manage to set the record straight on these conspiracies amongst the ones who I thought cared for me, but the damage will not be unseen. I do realize most of this means nothing to most of you out there, but it is with general references I'd rather share this experience. This blog is for all the people out there wrongfully accused or mistreated and I am holding out my hand for support, if needed. Hopefully, with much effort, I can put this all in the past where it belongs and become, once again, the happy-go-lucky person I was known for. Ciao for now, Pj Panigi |