| Insomnia |
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| Written by PJ Panigi |
| Wednesday, 12 May 2010 00:10 |
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Hey Everybody! So, once again I find myself awake in the middle of the night, all by my lonesome. It seems that for some reason Insomnia finds me more often than I would hope. A couple of months ago while I was going through a life lesson, I discovered myself having trouble sleeping and doing this very same thing; although, back then it wasn't just every now and again, it was EVERY night. I guess that means I should really count my blessings, but it seems now that I have had about a month of sleep, Insomnia felt it would be nice to pick on PJ some more. The worst part, the past month that I have had "uninterrupted sleep" , I was having nightmares almost every night. Oh well, this is part of life I guess...well adult life anyway. Sometimes I really miss the carelessness of being a child, no worries, no difficulties, just childhood. It's hard though because every time I find myself thinking that, I remember the freedom I didn't have back then. On the other hand, there are freedoms I am going without now too...but that is a whole different issue, one that probably won't make it to my published blogs. I am still unemployed and just waiting for the perfect employer to see my resume and just die to have me aboard...but I am beginning to think that that will never actually happen. It has been months since I have had a stable job and it is doing nothing but keeping me cooped up in the apartment, alone and poor :(. I have no immediate worries as our income seems to get us by, with little to no extra. However, nobody said life would be easy, eh? I have really fallen behind when it comes to blogs and vlogs but for some reason the motivation just isn't there. I remember when I use to blame it on time. Well, needless to say, I have all the time in the world these days and yet I make less of them now than I did then...pity. I know I have so many loyal readers out there...not. It's hard to feel like people even care when you look at your life and realize there is only really one person in it. Now, I am not complaining as one person is more than a lot of people have out there, but I am a 20 year old and I have no friends or immediate family in my everyday life. It's sad, but very true. I don't know what the issue is as I have tried putting Cory and I out there in the world screaming "Here we are, ask us to hangout!" but it never seems to work. The same people, and new people, continue to ignore our cries for a "normal" social life. I've always been a very excessive user of the wonder known as the internet, however I didn't think all my friends would only exist there. My birthday is in less than 3 months and I was planning a huge extravaganza, I am beginning to see that it isn't going to happen. The most it will probably include is Cory and I...everybody else will be busy or blow me off, as usual. That reminds me of my 19th birthday party, made out flyers and bought a whole bunch of food, even had quite a few people RSVP "Yes" I was so sure it was going to be a great time...and when the day actually came...no one...nadda. Every soul that had made vows to be there had blown me off, not just one or two...but EVERYONE. I understand that not everyone in your life can make you priority numero uno...but can everyone in your life deliberately blow you off and ignore your phone calls on YOUR birthday...seems a bit too much to be coincidence. I have a strong feeling this birthday will be the same, only differences are...I won't invite anyone and I'll be legal to drink...so if I don't expect much, I can't be disappointed. I think I will get that stitched on a pillow or something. ;) Well, this blog has ended up to be a lot longer than expected, but now everyone has had a glimpse into the real thoughts of PJ Panigi...just think...they get worse, lol. Maybe one day I'll share more of the inner workings of my mind, maybe I won't. Must admit they aren't the happiest of thoughts. Until next time ;) Ciao 4 now, PJ Panigi |